Are They Still Interested

It’s so easy to know when you are happy in a relationship. But where does the line begin to blur between getting comfortable with one another and getting bored? Sometimes it’s hard for one person involved to catch the difference. Where you may be content in the relaxed stage of your relationship, your partner could be getting bored without you even noticing.

Don’t let your relationship fall under because your partner has lost interest. If you let it go too long unnoticed, then your partner is likely to lose interest completely. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you do after that breaking point. This just means that you need to catch it early on to prevent them from leaving you in the future. 

Now, when people say you need to keep things interesting, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to defy all norms and live on the edge every minute of every day. All it means is that you need to pick up the slack of dropping the flash and passion in the comfort stages. Don’t let yourself go just because you’re confident they won’t leave you.

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A good way of showing that you still care about yourself and how they think of you is by keeping up appearances. The bait and switch is the least attractive dating tactic. Listen to them when they ask you to keep up with personal hygiene. Do up your hair every now and then, or put on just a little bit of make-up day to day.

The demands of appearance may seem shallow, but that is what initially draws people to each other. If you change your whole look by abandoning the desire to please your significant other or draw them in, they won’t feel as if they are even with the same person they fell for. They’ll feel deceived and trapped. It creates a lot of bitterness and resentment on their behalf because the whole relationship can seem like a lie from simply letting yourself go.

Looks aside, a lot of people also desert the romance when the relationship “dies down.” You can help to bring some of that passion back by simple romantic gestures. If there was anything you used to do, return to it again every now and then. If there’s something that they’ve always wanted to do with you, give it a go. It really helps to keep things interesting by trying new things. Go off of what they liked before and what they’ve been thinking about these days. See if you can mix and match some ideas.

Don’t let your partner slip away from you. It’s not that they don’t love you; it’s just that they feel as though you don’t care about them as much anymore. The best way to show your love is to listen to them, tell them what you want and like, and then compromise. Since the two of you are still together, there is still hope to reignite any dead passion.

Going through a break up is heart wrenching, especially so if its someone youve really grown to care about. If youre going through a break up and scrambling to do everything you can to save your failing relationship dont fret because its not over yet. The truth is that most relationships can be saved despite the reasons and despite the odds. No matter how bad it looks for you right now there are things you can do and learn that will help you overcome your current issues.

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More Compatability Issues In a Romantic Relationship II

A break up is a devastating and heart wrenching experience. If you are going through a break up realize that you are not alone and that there is still hope. Youre probably unable to take your mind of off your ex and are doing everything you possibly can to try and save your relationship from permanent dissolution. The thing is your relationship can probably be saved no matter how bad it looks right now and now matter what the reasons are for the break up. Keep a positive attitude and keep trying and youll probably find that your ex still feels the same way about you.

Communication

Sarah was a talker and Paul was a doer.  Where Sarah started any number of conversations with “I want to talk to you about…” Paul would rather express his feelings for Sarah by taking her out to dinner or buying her a bouquet of flowers. 

One of the big problems in their relationship was that Sarah said “you’re not listening to me” while Paul said “you don’t appreciate the things I do for you.”

This is a classic case of having different communication compatibilities.  Because they express their love differently, Sarah and Paul are in trouble.

This doesn’t mean that their relationship is doomed though.  They have to be open to the idea that they communicate differently.

Sarah may need to get her verbal communication needs met with her female friends rather than her boyfriend.  Paul needs to listen more when Sarah talks.  Sarah needs to appreciate that the way Paul communicates is to take her to dinner or fix her toilet. 

Women tend to be more loquacious than men in general.  It is common for communications compatibility to be an issue in relationships.  Fortunately, this is an issue where “let’s talk” can really solve the problem.

Sex

Sex is an issue in many relationships.  Some people are more adventurous than others.  Others want sex frequently while their partners are satisfied with making love less. 

You should know that mastery of technique is one of the least important facets in a satisfying sex life.  If you are able to communicate your desires to your partner, you can learn and grow together.

But, if you have fundamental differences in your approach to sex, there may be problems.

Jodi and Tom got together and at first, their passion was white hot.  Or so Tom thought.  But, after a few months, it became clear that Jodi was indulging Tom when she didn’t really want to make love every night.

Tom was confused because he felt that Jodi had led him on to secure the relationship and was now changing the terms.  Jodi felt that she was settling down into a more “normal” sex life.

Through relationship counseling, Tom and Jodi were able to discuss their needs and desires. 

Life Habits

So many things get ignored at the beginning of a relationship.  A woman might not care that her new boyfriend doesn’t ever wash his car because she’s swept off her feet by him.  A man might not be concerned that his new girlfriend seems to spend more time at the beauty salon than she does in her own living room.

But soon these life habits become apparent and can cause friction in a relationship.

Jim believed that “early to bed and early to rise made a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”  On Saturday mornings, he was out of bed at 6:30 for a run in the park.  When he got back around 8:00 a.m., he wanted to have a big breakfast and start the day.

Julia, was not ready to face the weekend so early in the morning.  Saturday was the one day she could catch up on her sleep and she valued her time in bed.

Eventually, Jim joined a men’s Bible study on Saturdays so he felt that the morning wasn’t wasted and Julia agreed to be up by 10:00 when he got back so they could spend the rest of the day together.

But compromising on these life habits issues isn’t always so simple.  Sometimes, they’re deal breakers.  There’s only so much you can bend before you break.

Take a look at this great video advice for more tips on getting your ex back!

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More Compatability Issues In a Romantic Relationship

If youve found your way here then probably either you or someone you know is going through a tough break up. I know things look bad now but the last word hasnt been spoken yet. Even if you think your break up is final if youre determined to get back together then you really can do it. Many relationships that go through a break up end up getting back together. It may sound hard to believe but just because youve broken up doesnt mean that your relationship is over for good.

Work

Pamela had worked hard to break through every glass ceiling in her career.  She had been the only female Ph.D. candidate in physics in her class.  She had initially found it difficult to land a tenure track position because many faculty members believed that scientific research was incompatible with the “mommy track.”

Eventually, she proved her ilk as a science professor and became head of the department at a major research university.  From there, she had become dean of the School of Natural Science.

A promotion to Vice President of Academic Affairs at a university across the country followed.  That’s where she met Tim.

Tim was a psychologist.  He had given a presentation at the university on stress management that Pamela attended.  Intrigued by his ideas, she invited him to lunch.

She found that he had very different perspectives about work than she did.  For instance, he put in eight or nine hours a day but didn’t work weekends ever.  While he was proud of what he had accomplished in his career, it didn’t define him.

He recognized how hard she had worked to get to where she had gotten but worried about the toll it had taken on her.  At 44, she had never been married and had had few meaningful relationships.

Tim set out to woo Pamela.  He found that many carefully planned dates were cancelled at the last minute because of pressing and unexpected work schedules.

Eventually, Tim and Pamela had to define how their relationship was going to work vis a vis their careers.  Tim told Pamela that he needed her to make at least as much of a commitment to their relationship as to her job.  Pamela told Tim that she needed him to understand how important her job was to her.

Because Tim and Pamela really wanted their relationship to work, they were willing to put real effort into it despite their basic work compatibility differences.  But this is an example of a couple who through love and communication were able to succeed despite different compatibility levels.

Independence

Tracie liked to read, sew, and do crossword puzzles.  She had a small circle of friends, most of whom she had met through church.  Aside from her job (one where she didn’t interact with people much), she saw groups of friends at church and maybe one other time a week.

Ted was new in town and joined Tracie’s church right away.  He was immediately seen as a “catch” by all of the single women.  But, he saw something in Tracie and didn’t have eyes for anyone else.

The problem was that Ted was always doing something.  He joined a softball league, started volunteering at a soup kitchen, and joined the choir.  He was always pressuring Tracie to go to his games, volunteer with him at the soup kitchen, and to join to choir too.

What Ted didn’t see at first was that Tracie enjoyed her quiet ways.  She needed space.  While Ted was energized by social contact with others, this kind of activity drained Tracie.

Eventually, they decided that Ted would continue to have an active social calendar and that Tracie could participate or not depending on her feelings. 

This actually left both parties feeling that they had control of their independence.  Ted was able to be independent because he could do the activities he liked and Tracie had independence because she could choose not to do them.

Another example of the importance of independence is Robyn and Chad.  Chad was the highly independent type.  He liked to be “free as a bird” and didn’t like to “report” his whereabouts to Robyn.

Robyn was quite insecure.  She liked to know where he was and when he would be in for the evening.  Her previous marriage had dissolved when she discovered that her ex husband had had a long term affair which made her insecure about any future relationships.

Chad and Robyn had to go into counseling to deal with this independence issue.  Chad had to acknowledge Robyn’s insecurities and Robyn had to acknowledge that Chad wasn’t her ex husband.

Watch this great video advice from a man who has saved thousands of relationships!

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Compatability Issues During A Romantic Relationship

A break up is a devastating and heart wrenching experience. If you are going through a break up realize that you are not alone and that there is still hope. Youre probably unable to take your mind of off your ex and are doing everything you possibly can to try and save your relationship from permanent dissolution. The thing is your relationship can probably be saved no matter how bad it looks right now and now matter what the reasons are for the break up. Keep a positive attitude and keep trying and youll probably find that your ex still feels the same way about you.

Sociability

How much independence do you need and desire in a relationship?  If you are in your 30s and never been married, you probably have developed a strong social network outside of a romantic relationship and will be reluctant to give that up just because you’ve fallen in love.

Jake was a computer programmer and spent long hours in front of his terminal.  He was naturally a shy, quiet type and didn’t require a lot of social interaction to make him happy.  When he did get away from his computer, he liked to go hiking alone or work out at the gym.  Basically, he was an independent type.

Then he met Terri who was far more social than he was.  She was a computer sales representative and her job involved making social connections in order to make sales.  She thrived on contact with people.

Terri and Jake met when she came to his office to sell a complicated hardware system.  The purchasing manager had called Jake in to get his opinion about the system.  Jake said he needed more information just so he could go out with drinks with Terri.

After the initial bloom of the relationship, Jake started retreating back into his solitary world.  He still wanted to spend time with Terri, but he had no desire to meet her friends or enter into her social world.  Terri was hurt by this because she was so interdependent on her social network and felt this was a rejection of her.

Terri and Jake finally went into couple’s counseling.  The therapist was able to help them see that they had different needs for independence.  Jake had to compromise by being more social occasionally while Terri had to respect his need for solitude a greater amount of time.

Spirituality

Many parents express to their children that they would be disappointed if the child married someone outside of their religious faith.  Most of the time when we think of spirituality in terms of romantic compatibility we talk about specific religions.  But, there is more to spirituality than that.

It is true that if you hold true to a specific faith, it may be hard to become close to someone who doesn’t hold those tenants.  If you believe that anyone who doesn’t accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior is doomed to Hell, then dating a Buddhist or a Muslim presents significant obstacles.

Maria was a devout Catholic and always assumed she would marry a Catholic man.  She met Jim who was a lapsed Lutheran and fell in love with him.  As they started talking about their wedding, they began to see obstacles that could plague them for the rest of their lives. 

For instance, Maria wanted to be married by a priest in a Catholic church.  That made Jim uncomfortable because he had no familiarity with the Catholic church.  When the priest told Jim he wouldn’t be permitted to take Communion at his own wedding, he balked.

That lead Jim and Maria to talk about other issues that they would face as a married couple.  For instance, Jim wanted to raise his kids to be exposed to a variety of faith traditions and think critically about religion in general.  Maria wanted to raise good Catholics.

As Jim and Maria began to discuss these issues, they realized that their initial attraction for each other was being dragged down by the issue of spiritual compatibility.  Maria began to see a priest for counseling and ultimately realized that she would be happier with a man who shared her faith and Catholic values.

Check out this free video advice from a man who has saved thousands of relationships!

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Typical Relationship Issues And How To Handle Them

It doesnt matter how content a couple is and how compatible therere with each other,  theyll continue to fight.  I understand;  the fact that just about every couple has relationship problems is little comfort when a persons relationship is going through a tough time.

But what does make you feel better is that if others can solve his or her love problems,  so can you. In this post,  I talk about two of the frequent relationship issues that are faced by people today and what can be done to take care of them.

Solving Relationship Problems

Lack of verbal exchanges:  The majority of your problems can be resolved if you basically knew the right way to connect appropriately with your lover.  Merely talking is not really what communication is about.  By effective conversation I mean,  your spouse should understand precisely what it is you are trying to point out.

For instance,  a man tells his woman - "Honey,  the chicken you prepared today was certainly superb".  At this point the person was paying out a compliment to his woman,  yet if she is not listening to him right her reply could be something similar to,  "What on earth do you necessarily mean by TODAY?  Which means I am just a bad cook most other time? " And thats the way tiffs begin.  Thus,  ensure that your spouse is actually getting the message that you wish to send out instead of something else.

A great way to ensure that is to ask your partner if they grasped exactly what you were stating.  In case their response is what you were looking to communicate,  excellent!  If not,  you could explain to them precisely what you intended so that misunderstandings and thus fights can be avoided.

Jealousy:  The occasional envy within a relationship is very normal and may in fact be healthy.  However,  in case your lover gets all green faced with envy (the same goes for you too) whenever you speak to someone from the opposite sex,  then that is certainly not usual and can cause difficulties within your relationship.

Ugly envy could be handled by first admitting to yourself that youre unreasonably jealous and after that trying to understand the reason for it.  Could it be due to the fact you have experienced past bad encounters?  Are you currently insecure mainly because your dad and mom may not have had a great relationship?

Once you know exactly where your insecurities come from,  you can then take the required measures to develop your self-confidence and belief in your companion and stay away from unnecessary relationship troubles.

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Conclusion to Compatibility in a Romantic Relationship

Going through a break up is heart wrenching, especially so if its someone youve really grown to care about. If youre going through a break up and scrambling to do everything you can to save your failing relationship dont fret because its not over yet. The truth is that most relationships can be saved despite the reasons and despite the odds. No matter how bad it looks for you right now there are things you can do and learn that will help you overcome your current issues.

Last post on the topic can be found here.

Family

Charlene, age 38, had two children from a previous marriage.  They were 16 and 18 and would soon be in college.  When she met Pete, she felt that she had raised her family and was now looking forward to a home without kids.

After a few dates, Pete told Charlene that he had never had kids and felt that he had missed out on a big part of life as a result.  He pointed out that she still had a few child bearing years left and inquired about whether she was willing to start over again.

This was a big issue for Charlene.  She wasn’t sure she was ready for the commitment to diapers, PTA meetings, little league games, and teen age antics all over again.

She knew that this was a big issue for Pete too.  Because her own kids had given her life shape and meaning, she couldn’t say that he shouldn’t have them.  She also knew that if she didn’t agree to have kids, Pete might leave her for a younger woman who would.

But the issue of children is not the only kind of family issue that arises. 

Blake and Rebecca met on a Single’s cruise and had a wonderful 7 days together.  When they got back on land, Rebecca discovered that Blake’s mom, who was suffering from Multiple Sclerosis lived with him.  She realized that if the relationship were to progress, she would have to take on some of the care-taking responsibilities for his mom.  She also realized that they would never live alone as a couple.

When you marry someone, you marry their family as well.  Sometimes, that means you roll your eyes at the drunk uncle at Thanksgiving dinner.  But other times, it means taking on the serious issues that go along with caring for the other people in your life.

Determining your attitude toward children and toward an extended family is one of the core compatibility issues couples face.


Conclusion

You don’t have to be 100 percent compatible on every issue to have a healthy, happy relationship.  In fact, I would be surprised if any couple does.

What is important is that you can agree on enough of the “big” issues that the small ones work themselves out. 

Here are five ways to handle compatibility roadblocks.

1.    Acknowledge that the roadblock exists.  Don’t gloss over your differences or pretend they don’t matter at the beginning of the relationship.  Deal with them early on.

2.    Learn about your partner’s life experiences including their ethnic and cultural background, religion, political ideals, and generational differences.  This can help you get rid of misconceptions based on these differences from the beginning.

3.    Don’t think that every disagreement is a compatibility issue.  Just because you want to have Valentine’s dinner at an Italian restaurant and your partner wants to go for French does not mean that you are fundamentally incompatible. 

4.    You can agree to disagree by agreeing that mutual respect overcomes a great deal of incompatibility.  Resist the urge to try to “convert” your partner to your political or religious views.

5.    Seek common ground.  Try focusing on the issues you can agree on.  Work from your strengths and strengthen those things you have in common.

Love is what you make of it.  If you have a future with someone, you will undoubtedly find that you don’t have everything in common.  That’s okay.  In fact, that’s human.  Working on the areas where you have compatibility issues will strengthen your relationship.

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