Showing posts with label avoiding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label avoiding. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Avoiding Abusive Relationships

Something that happens all too often these days is the rise of abusive relationships. They’ve always been nonexistent, but many years ago, people didn’t discuss them. Once you were married, you were married for better or worse. Too many times it was, indeed, the death of one of the spouses that parted them. It was the reason for the death that made the situation so outrageous and so sad.

It’s better if these types of relationships are never begun. Believe it or not, there are ways to avoid ever becoming a part of one. Granted, you can’t always tell if you’re getting involved with a lunatic. Many times they hide it very effectively until they have you firmly under their control. That’s when you’ll see their true colors. However, there are nearly always some kinks in their carefully constructed armor that you can spot if you let yourself see it.

The first thing you’ll probably notice is a control issue. This typically comes into play a little at a time. It may surface the first time when you’re dressing to go out and he subtly suggests that a different outfit looks much better on you, or that HE prefers you in the red dress rather than the black one. If you give into that one, he’ll do it over and over again. You may not notice that first control trick but you should definitely pay attention if he starts to dictate your wardrobe all the time.

Another thing that is also a control technique is when he starts trying to slowly isolate you from your family and friends. He’s usually smart enough to keep this to a minimum and use little things that keep you from realizing what his actual plan is. It may be something like telling you that he has a feeling that your parents, sister or your best friend doesn’t really like him. Even though you haven’t noticed anything yourself, when you care enough about someone you don’t want to believe that they’re lying to you. So you accept it as fact and put yourself on alert when you’re around the people that have been accused of not liking him.

Most likely, no one has ever said or done anything to make this guy think they don’t like him. He’s just trying to plant enough doubt in your head that you’ll believe only him and stay away from those people that “don’t like” him. This gets you right where he wants you: isolated and unprotected from whatever he may do to you next.

When you see these danger signs, it’s time to run, not walk, as fast and far as you can away from this man. It’s only going to get worse the longer you stay. The worst thing you can do is continue to stay involved with him under the impression that you can change him. That’s never going to happen. Things will only get worse the longer you stay. When you see any of these signs, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.

If youve found your way here then probably either you or someone you know is going through a tough break up. I know things look bad now but the last word hasnt been spoken yet. Even if you think your break up is final if youre determined to get back together then you really can do it. Many relationships that go through a break up end up getting back together. It may sound hard to believe but just because youve broken up doesnt mean that your relationship is over for good.

Monday, April 4, 2016

Win Your Ex Boyfriend Back the Right Way by Avoiding These Texting Mishaps

A lot of girls who go through breakups end up feeling miserable and depressed. Some girls even feel so depressed that they stop eating and living their lives normally altogether. If this sounds like you, then you need to get up and do something about it. If you really want to win your ex boyfriend back, then do it! However, you should do it the right away and this means avoiding the following texting mishaps like the plague.

Texting Mishap 1. Texting him all day everyday.

If you want to win your ex boyfriend back through text, then you should never, ever do this - most of all if he never replies to your texts to begin with. If he doesnt respond, then just leave him alone for a while. Texting him constantly wont make him think that youre his soul mate - thats for sure. In fact, it might just ruin your chances of winning him back altogether. So, although avoiding the temptation to text your ex boyfriend might be difficult, you have to do it if you want to avoid looking like a desperate stalker. Besides, your ex might just miss you if you lay low for a while.

Texting Mishap 2. Bringing up the breakup.

If you want to win your ex boyfriend back through text, dont mention the breakup when you text him - or your past relationship, for that matter. Badgering him about why he broke up with you and why he wont give you another chance will only annoy him and make him realize that he made the right choice. Just accept the fact that you arent together for now and try to be his friend. If it burgeons into something more in the future, then thats great, but dont think that far ahead for now.

Texting Mishap 3. Begging for a reconciliation.

Probably the biggest texting mishap that you have to avoid if you want to win your ex boyfriend back through text would begging him for another chance. No matter how emotional you might be at the moment or how intense your thought processes are being because of your emotions, do not show him how you feel. If you send him text messages that beg for another chance, you will merely look needy and clingy, and he will know that he has the power to control you from now on - and that definitely wouldnt be a good thing.

Monday, March 28, 2016

The Right Way to Text an Ex Boyfriend and Get Closer to Getting Him Back

If you want to text an ex boyfriend and get him back, you might have some trouble doing so in the beginning. The good news is, though, that there are a few things that you can learn in order to get closer to him and get him back for good. Find out what those things are here.

1. How to send text messages that matter.

It is important to send out text messages that actually matter if you want to text an ex boyfriend and get him back in the end. This means that your text messages have to have real substance. They also have to lure your ex boyfriend into replying to them. Therefore, basic messages, like "How have you been?" or "Hello" simply wont work. Even though those messages might work well in person since they serve as small talk, they wont mean very much if you want to get your ex boyfriend back sometime.

2. How to send neutral messages.

No matter how much of a grudge you might have held against him after the breakup, you should never text an ex boyfriend and make him feel like he has to make things up to you in some way. Instead, be forgiving and send him text messages that arent laced with bitter emotions and feelings. This will show your ex boyfriend how mature you are and that you might be worth a second try. Plus, it will prove to him that you arent desperate or needy for his attention.

3. How to send positive messages.

Fighting with an ex boyfriend - even if only through text - will ruin your chances of ever getting him back - remember that. The same goes for sending any type of negative text messages, really. In general, positive text messages are always good - provided they dont pressure your ex boyfriend into replying, that is.

4. How to send messages with a specific goal.

Before you text an ex boyfriend, you should think about how you would like him to respond to it to begin with. Would you like him to smile after he gets your text? Would you like to remind him of all of the good times that you had together? If you dont give a specific goal to your text message, you should just forget sending it off altogether. As a general rule while texting: there is no point if there is no goal.



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Got Jerks Get Help

Got any jerks in your life? You know the type. The ones who think they know it all, the ones who dont listen to a word you say, the ones who push and push until you cant take it, or the ones who are the first to cry victim but the last to admit to a fault. They are exhausting, relentless, aggressive, nitpicking, frustrating, and by the time you are done talking to them you want to run away screaming.

Worse yet, they can turn even the best of days upside-down with just a comment, message, text or email. You have become so programmed to their belligerent behavior that just the mention of their name stirs you inside and the sound of their voice can bring a fight-or-flight response. As with any jerk, there are those who agree with you about the behavior and then those who adamantly disagree believing him/her to be a wonderful person. So what can you do? What do you do with all of that frustration especially if you are unsure of whom to confine it?

Identify the abnormal behavior. The natural tendency when confronted by a jerk is to do just that, label them as a jerk. While this may bring about some comfort, he/she is the jerk and not you, in the end it leaves you with nothing to do except avoid them. More than likely, if this person is bothering you he/she is not a person you can avoid indefinitely. So instead of labeling and dismissing him/her, identify the behavior that is driving you nuts. Is it a word, phrase, tone of voice, emotion such as anger, aggression, or the way you were attacked? If it is several of these, break it down until you have one really irritating piece.

Identify what it reminds you of. Ask "what does this behavior remind me of" or "who does this behavior remind me of". The first thing that pops into your head is usually the best as long as it is not the same person or incident. For instance, you receive an email from a co-worker who created a larger than life problem but is now trying to shift the blame onto you. You are stuck cleaning up the mess and have to deal with the co-worker but are angry at his/her continued unwillingness to take responsibility for his/her actions. The email sends you over the top as now he/she has manipulated the circumstances to blame you for his/her mistake. So ask the two questions. Could it be that this person reminds you of the time when a bully beat you up and then said it was you who started the fight and the bully was only defend him/her? You may need to ask the question again if there is more than one similar incident, keep going until you have a couple of irritating people on your list.

Identify how you wish you responded. Now that you have the underlying incident mixed with the underlying person, examine how you responded. Most likely you have already replayed the incident in your head over and over wishing for another opportunity to confront the person and given the same set of circumstances and now your response would have been much better. In reality we dont have opportunities to turn back the clock and confront but we do have current circumstances with similar characters which is exactly where you are with the jerky behavior today. At some deep level, this current circumstance reminded you of a past circumstance in which you already had a strong desire to do something different.

So do something different. What is the outcome you are trying to achieve? Using the above story, if your desired outcome is to get noticed for doing quality work, then do excellent flawless work. Dont let the jerk at the office rattle you and cause you to be ineffective, that is his/her goal; rather, use their immature behavior as a way of highlighting your mature behavior. And in the end not only will you feel better but you are one step closer to your desired outcome.

Dont allow the jerks to get the best of you and distract you from doing your work, having fun, or just hanging with the family. He/she lives to steal the best from others and use it to enhance himself/herself. There is no need for you to fall victim again to another trap, identify it and do something different instead.



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